I'm Scared

Well last night I had a very rough night. I have come to a realization that I'm scared. My period was supposed to start yesterday. There is a chance that I may be pregnant, but this time I really don't feel like I am. I know that in the past I have thought and prayed that I was pregnant and then my period starts. Maybe this month I am simply not letting myself believe it if I am. But then I think maybe I'm just late. Then I wonder the worst possible thing for me... and that's maybe I have finally gotten to the weight that will make my body go all wonky and I'm not pregnant and I'm not going to get a period. That is what scares me! I cried in Clifton's arms last night and this morning I got on the scale and saw that I have finally lost 3 lbs! I told Clifton last night that I don't know what to do because I think I need a trainer or to join a class at the gym or something because I don't know how to do this with out Weight Watchers and we just don't have the money to do Weight Watchers online. So I am not sure what I am going to do but I hope that I can continue to loose the weight. Even if I am unable to reach my goal of 100 pounds by the time we leave Germany I just hope that I can loose at least half... and right now that would put me at 208. That's 50 pounds in one year.
Well I'm gonna go now talk to ya later!